Life in Oaks
by dawneh
Summary: My name is James Sutton. I had an accident and woke up in Hollyoaks village. Am I mad, in a coma or travelled to a parallel universe? Whatever’s happened it’s like I’ve landed on a different planet, now maybe if I can work out the reason I can get home
1. Chapter 1

My name is James Sutton. I had an accident and woke up in Hollyoaks village. Am I mad, in a coma or travelled to a parallel universe? Whatever's happened it's like I've landed on a different planet, now maybe if I can work out the reason I can get home.

---

James yawned and rubbed his eyes as he searched his pockets for his car keys. It had been a long days filming and he was ready to get home and crash out in front of the TV before bed. Shooting the final scenes between John Paul and Craig had been emotionally as well as physically exhausting and James was glad he had a few days off before he had to throw himself back into the role of a character he had come to know and love.

The tears James shed as John Paul walked away from the love of his life were genuine tears of sorrow at his parting from his close friend and on-screen partner Guy Burnet and James felt strange to think that the next time he walked onto the Hollyoaks set it would be at the start of a whole new phase for John Paul, a life without Craig and without Guy.

"See ya next week James," a voice called pulling the actor from his thoughts.

James turned to reply to the farewell in time to see a dark vehicle hurtling towards him. James froze, unable to move or think in the split second before the car struck him and everything went black.

---

James shivered. There was a deep pounding inside his brain and, as he slowly regained consciousness, he was surprised to find himself lying on the ground. Slowly dragging himself into a sitting position James whimpered as pain shot through every inch of his body. He felt like a car had hit him and then the memory of the dark vehicle racing towards him flooded back into his mind.

Looking around James was confused to see he was no longer in the car park at Lime Pictures. In fact his surroundings looked rather like part of the set for Hollyoaks village. But that couldn't be possible because Hollyoaks was fake and this all looked real, too real.

"John Paul, John Paul are you alright?" James looked up as a familiar figure came racing towards him. He smiled as the beautiful blonde woman stopped and leant over him, her soft eyes filled with concern, at last there was somebody around here who could tell him what was going on.

"I'm fine Gemma," James said struggling to his feet before realising that she had called him John Paul.

"Who's Gemma?" the woman asked touching her hand to James's forehead, "It's me John Paul… it's Carmel… we'd better get you home… you look dreadful."

"What are you on about Gemma? This isn't funny … first that car hits me and now…"

"A car hit you!" Carmel looked at the young man with increased concern. "P'raps we should get you to a hospital… you might have really hurt yourself… I should call mum…"

"Carmel is everything alright?" Carmel and James both turned to face the speaker who approached from behind and the three figures stood paralysed as they looked at each other.

James felt light headed at the sight of the young blonde haired blue-eyed boy standing before him. The young man was dressed in a yellow and green striped hooded top that looked all too familiar, as he had worn the same garment many times himself.

"John Paul?" James breathed, not quite believing that the name had left his mouth or that he appeared to be looking at a mirror image of himself, or at least of the character he had portrayed for the past year. "I don't understand."

John Paul and Carmel looked at each other in confusion as the stranger who looked frighteningly like the young McQueen boy crumpled into an unconscious heap on the ground.

---

As consciousness began to filter slowly back into James's mind he became aware of a soft pillow beneath his head. This was definitely an improvement on his earlier experience of waking up on the hard ground. As his awareness began to sharpen James could hear two voices talking above him.

"Well what are we going to do with him now?"

"We couldn't just leave him there Carm."

"I know that.. but look at him John Paul... I mean… it's a bit freaky."

"Where d'you think he came from?"

"I don't know... I wonder who he is..."

James forced his eyes open, wincing momentarily as the bright sunshine stabbed into his brain and then wincing even more as he saw the faces and Carmel and John Paul McQueen looking down on him. Except of course it couldn't be Carmel and John Paul because they were fictional characters and there was no way they could be standing over him with concern in their eyes.

"Ohh he's awake," Carmel said with a smile as she touched her hand gently to James's forehead. "How you feeling love?"

"Err OK I guess," James replied as he dragged himself into a sitting position and frowned in confusion at the two McQueen siblings.

Looking around the room James was startled by the familiarity of it until he realised it was a room he had occupied many time during his portrayal of the young McQueen boy. It was John Paul's room. But this seemed to be a real room, with four walls and a ceiling, unlike the cut-away set that James was used to. There were no cables or rigging above his head, no cameras or boom mikes pointing in his direction. It was just a normal bedroom. Or at least as normal as a bedroom could be that seemed to have walked out of a TV set and become reality. His eye flicked down to the bed to take in the blue starry duvet cover that had adorned the set so many times. It was all too much and James felt his head spin with the onslaught of such contradictory information.

John Paul looked carefully at the man sitting on his bed, turning his head this way and that to get a better look. It was like looking in a mirror, but more so, as this reflected image looked back at him in three dimensions, querying his face with a frown.

"Where exactly am I?" James asked trying not to feel foolish at the question.

"You're at our house," Carmel replied kindly, "You fainted in the street so we brought you back here... My name's Carmel McQueen by the way... and that's my brother John Paul... you too do look awfully alike!"

"Carmel McQueen?" James repeated with incredulity.

"That's right."

"Except that's not really possible is it?" James insisted.

"Is it not?" Carmel frowned her non-comprehension.

"Well no... I mean Carmel McQueen she's... in fact the whole family are... well it's just... it's not real is it… I don't understand how this place suddenly exists... what's going on? Where's Bryan and the rest of the crew?"

"Bryan who?"

"Kirkwood... the director..."

"I think you must have hit your head love," Carmel said with growing concern in her eyes, "Maybe we should get to you the hospital."

James rubbed his eyes. Maybe he had hurt his head. Maybe even now he was lying unconscious in the car park and this was all some crazy trick his mind was playing. But if it was all some kind of hallucination or dream, James sank his fingers into the softness of the duvet beneath him, it was the most real feeling dream he had ever experienced.

"Who are you anyway?" John Paul asked the man who shared his face.

"My names James... James Sutton... I'm an actor... I play... what I mean is… I think I play... I think I'm you…" The more he spoke the more the confusion tumbled around James's mind until he wasn't even certain what the truth was.

John Paul took a step forward until he was only inches from the man resting on his bed. His hand trembled as he reached it out to touch the arm of the stranger and they both gasped as a strong jolt of electricity shot through them as they connected.

Despite the sudden surge that rushed from his fingertips through his whole body John Paul didn't remove his hand from the curious stranger. There was something more familiar about him than just his face but he couldn't quite work out what it was.

James looked into the young man's eyes with something approaching breathless awe. It wasn't just that the face looking down on his was his own; it was more than his own. The vibrancy in the startling blue eyes of the man seemed incomprehensible and James wondered if that was what people could see when they looked at him. Was that what all those crazy women on the internet meant when they talked about his eyes? For the first time James realised that they might actually have a point.

"I'll put the kettle on," John Paul offered slowly, almost reluctantly, removing his hand from James's arm, "You could probably do with a brew."

James couldn't hold back a smile at the offer. It was such a John Paul thing to do that it felt both comforting and frightening.

"Thanks," James replied in a shaky voice, "I… I think I'd like that…"

"Don't worry sweetheart," Carmel said smiling gently at the confused and confusing man as John Paul left the room, "I'm sure we'll sort this all out soon."

"But you're not real," James said under his breath, "None of this is real…"

James closed his eyes and listened carefully to the sound of his own breathing, hoping that when he opened them again the world would be back to normal and he could forget this strange incident ever happened.

---

James sipped his tea slowly. Despite never having said how he liked his drink James noticed that it was perfect. The exact strength and sweetness he always preferred. James laughed quietly to himself, after all everyone knew that John Paul made the best brews in Hollyoaks! Shaking his head James had to remind himself that John Paul and Hollyoaks weren't real. No matter how solid the young man perching on the end of the bed might look, James knew that he was some mysterious figure brought to life by his imagination and probably the result of his accident.

John Paul looked over the rim of his mug at the mirror image of his face. The man leaning against his headboard looked so like him that it made John Paul nervous. He was identical, except that he looked some how older, as if John Paul had aged a few years and then walked into Hollyoaks village to confuse him.

The two men watched each other silently for some time as they drank their tea. The absence of Carmel's gentle presence now that she had left the room cast an awkwardness between them that seemed impossible to breech.

"So who exactly are you?" John Paul asked in an attempt to both break the silence and maybe find out what was going on.

"I said... my name's James and..."

"No - I don't mean your name... WHO are you... why are you here... what is it you want... and why did you say that you think you're me?" John Paul's mind was racing with more questions than he had words to express, the largest one being why this mysterious man possessed the most hypnotic eyes he had ever seen.

"I don't really know," James answered quietly, "And even if I tried to tell you... I don't think you'd believe me."

"Try me... you'd be surprised what I can believe!"

James took a deep breath and looked at the young man who he knew so well and yet hardly knew at all. "Well for starters... I don't think you're real..." James paused to gauge the man's reaction but John Paul simply stared back unflinchingly.

"OK," John Paul replied calmly, "And how would that work then?"

"I... I think I got hit by a car..."

"Yeah you said... but there's not a mark on you..."

"Well that's cause I'm not here... I mean we're not here... not really... the way I figure it I must be unconscious... in a coma or something and it's making me imagine you... this place and everything..."

"So I'm not really here... I don't exist?" John Paul couldn't believe he was repeating such a ludicrous idea.

"I can't see any other explanation..."

"And why would you imagine me and my family?"

"Well that's obvious..."

"It is?"

"Yeah... like I said... I'm an actor and I play John Paul McQueen in a show called Hollyoaks... so my damaged head has obviously conjured you up for some reason." The more James explained the situation the more reasonable his idea became and he felt relieved that this nightmare would be over as soon as he woke up.

"So... if you're me... then you would know all about my life right... so go on tell me something..." John Paul challenged.

James smiled. It would have been the sort of proof he would have requested himself, they were so alike that it was scary.

"How's Craig?" James asked.

The pain in John Paul's eyes was instant and James felt guilty as large tears started to form of the surface of those deep blue pools.

John Paul turned his face away as he wiped at the tears that were tumbling over his cheeks.

"What d'you know about Craig?"

"How long is it since he's been gone? A few days… a week maybe?"

"Six days," John Paul replied sadly.

"I'm sorry," James said quietly. Despite his conviction that this John Paul McQueen was nothing more than a figment of his fevered mind the pain on the young man's face still tore at his heart. He could remember only too well the moments that John Paul had to say goodbye to the love of his life. After all he had only filmed them a few hours ago, or at least what seemed like a few hours ago.

"Why are you sorry?" John Paul said in a challenging tone as he got to his feet. "Why should you care eh? It's not like I'm real is it… It's not like I exist or I have feelings… It's not like I have to face every morning wondering if I've made the biggest mistake of my life…" Tears began to tumble over John Paul's face and his shoulders shook with silent sobs and he turned to face the door, leaning his forehead against the cool of the wood.

"Shit… look… don't cry… I really am sorry… it's just…" James got to his feet and approached the weeping man, patting his shoulder in a futile gesture of compassion. "I didn't mean to upset you… but you've got to understand… I know how you feel – what's happened – cause I lived it too…"

"In this TV show that means I'm not real?" John Paul asked moving to look at James again. John Paul's soft blue eyes flashed with anger at the man who dared to deny his existence, writing off his pain as if it were merely a scriptwriter's folly.

"I know it's not what you want to hear," James said kindly, "But it's the truth… you… Hollyoaks… everything… it's just… entertainment."

"Who the hell do you think you are?" John Paul's lips curled back in a snarl as his fists clenched at his sides. "What gives you the right to come into my home and tell me that what I've been through… everything I've suffered was for someone else's entertainment…"

"I'm sorry but…" James felt his conviction slipping away as he watched the young McQueen's chest heave with deep angered breaths. "It's the truth… it has to be… it's the only explanation…"

"I'm not real?"

"No…"

"Then this isn't real." Without warning John Paul's fist connected with James's jaw sending the man reeling as the sudden force of the blow crashed into his face. Raising his hand to protect himself from any further assault James flinched as John Paul walked calmly towards him. "Funny," John Paul spat, "That looked like it felt pretty real to me."

"You're not real…" James insisted in a less confident voice than he had used early.

"No?" John Paul said in a deep growl, "then this isn't real either."

James tensed for another attack but instead found himself suddenly pinned himself against the wall as John Paul's hands pressed into his shoulders and the young man's mouth unexpectedly collided with his.

John Paul had meant to hit him again. To make him hurt as much as John Paul was hurting. But in a split second his body made a different choice and instead of punching the man John Paul found himself kissing him. James's lips felt soft, strangely familiar in a way that felt wrong and yet so very right.

James stood paralysed as the man who didn't really exist kissed him. John Paul's kiss was hard, filled with the aggression that his early punch had been fuelled by, but also filled with something else. A wanting, a longing, a confusion but most of all the need to be real.


	2. Chapter 2

The kiss ended as abruptly as it started when John Paul pulled back, startled by his actions and unsure what they meant. Two sets of soft blue eyes reflected back at each other, both glistening with confusion as the men tried to understand what had just happened. Their gaze seemed to replicate inside each other's eyes, mirrored back and forth between them until it disappeared from sight.

Slowly John Paul's grip on James's shoulders relaxed and his hand fell limply to his sides.

"I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that," he said quietly.

"That's OK," James replied rubbing his jaw softly from the discomfort of the combined punch and then sudden hard kiss.

"I don't normally," John Paul began as he searched for the words to explain an action he didn't understand, "It's you… you… you confuse me…"

"I confuse YOU?" James laughed. "How do you think I feel… I wake up in… in a place that shouldn't even exist only to find you… looking just like me… a person that I know can't be real and yet… Now that's confused!"

"So you still insist I'm not real then?" John Paul asked.

"I don't see there's any other explanation… Look…"

James's took hold of John Paul's arm and guided the young man towards the bedroom mirror. They stood silently, side by side; their reflections almost perfect mirror images of each other, separable only by their different clothing and an impression of a difference in age that could not be quantified and yet still seemed apparent.

"OK so we're alike," John Paul said with a shrug of his shoulders, "But that doesn't have to equate to some ridiculous idea that I don't really exist does it?"

"But I KNOW," James insisted, "I know who you are… I know your life… maybe better than you do… because I've lived it… I've acted it… I know that Hollyoaks… all of this… I know it's just a fantasy…"

"So you say… but d'you think that I don't know my life too? Why does your opinion have to be the correct one? Why does it have to be that I'm the fantasy?"

James sighed in frustration, why couldn't he just wake up and have all of this over with and then an idea came to him.

"OK… tell me something… something about your childhood."

"Like what?"

"Anything… tell me about your dad."

John Paul thought for a moment before replying. "Nothing to tell really… he left when I was a kid and we never saw much of him since… except last Christmas when he came around to nick all our presents…"

James smiled. "That's good," he said, "Tell me something else… where did you live before you came to Hollyoaks?"

"I dunno… we moved around a lot… so all sorts of places… I don't get where you're going with this…"

"Don't you see?" James said with a confident sparkle in his eyes. "John Paul's only been in Hollyoaks for about a year… he has very little background before that… just the basics… just a few details… just as much as you seem to be able to remember…"

"Oh I see," John Paul said as he looked into the depths of James's startlingly blue eyes and felt that same hit of confusion. "So you think that I can't remember my past and that shows that I don't have one?"

James shrugged with an expression on his face that confirmed that was exactly what he thought.

"So explain this to me then," John Paul said, "If I don't exist and I had no life before this TV show of yours… how come I can remember my eighth birthday party when Michaela landed face first into my cake… how do I remember crying for hours because she ruined my day? How do I recall when I was ten and I fell off my bike… cut my leg and it bled so badly that I was convinced I was gonna die till Mum came and fixed me up… how does that fit in with your theory Mr actor man?"

"It doesn't," James admitted with a defeated sigh as he went to sit on the edge of the bed. He had been so certain that he could prove the truth. But what if what he believed wasn't the truth? What if the truth lay somewhere that he couldn't reach or couldn't understand? And his greatest fear of all… what if he had to find the truth before he could find his way home again?

---

James slumped back on the bed, staring at a ceiling that shouldn't be there, as he felt reality slipping away from him. Nothing made sense anymore. He shouldn't be there. John Paul shouldn't be there. There was no way that the both of them could exist and yet there they were, touching, talking, even kissing. How could he deny the existence of a man who felt so real, but how could he accept the existence of a man he knew to be fictional?

He didn't remember falling asleep but as James opened his eyes, rubbing them sleepily, he knew he must have. For a moment he hoped that it had all been a terrible dream but the reality of the room, and the outside world shining brightly through the bedroom window, soon pushed that wish from his mind.

The room was empty and James felt a momentary panic at being left alone in this strange world that he didn't understand. Pulling himself up from the bed he headed out of the door and towards where the staircase should have been, if the McQueen house had been real.

John Paul was sat on the sofa in a thankfully otherwise unoccupied living room as James approached.

"So what are you gonna do now?" John Paul asked turning his head to look at the man who made him feel more uncomfortable than he cared to admit.

"How d'you mean?"

"Well you can't exactly stay here… Carmel was one thing but I think seeing the two of us would be a bit much for mum!"

"Yeah, of course," James paused. If he couldn't stay there then where was he supposed to go? "Can I use your phone?"

John Paul nodded his agreement and James lifted the receiver, dialling the first number that came to his mind, the number of the flat he shared with his co-star and on-screen sister Claire.

James held his breath as he pressed the phone to his ear, his hand shaking slightly. How was he supposed to explain this to anyone? After a second a recorded voice spoke into James's ear. "The number you have dialled has not been recognised…" James cursed himself for mis-dialling and tried again, and once again the voice told him that the number was not known.

After trying three more numbers James started to panic. His friends, his family, his co-stars, not one of the numbers James keyed frantically into the phone was recognised. James let the receiver fall back into the cradle as he stared blankly at the floor.

"No one in?" John Paul asked as he got to his feet and walked towards the man who looked considerably paler than he had a few minutes earlier.

James lifted his gaze to the image of himself, tears glistening in his soft blue eyes. "They don't work," he said quietly, "It's like they don't exist here… I'm completely on my own… what do I do?"

John Paul's eye flicked to the phone as he tried to understand what James was telling him. "But if they don't…"

"I don't belong here… I shouldn't be here," the tears in James's eyes began to tumble over his cheeks, "How do I get home… tell me what I have to do John Paul… please… help me…"

"I don't know how," John Paul said quietly as he placed his arms gently around the sobbing man. He had never seen such absolute fear in anyone's eyes before and it hurt to see it the eyes that were so much his own. "I don't know what to do James… I'm sorry… really…"

---

James sat on the sofa in the McQueen's living room. He felt numb. He had wept for some time in John Paul's strong arms. Tears that fell from fear, panic and sheer hopelessness. James had spent so long trying to convince the young McQueen that he wasn't real, he had been so certain that what he knew was right, but now, now he had no real idea of who he was or why he even existed at all.

A sad smile played over James's lips at the rattle of a teaspoon in a mug. Such a perfect John Paul response to the situation, make tea!

Getting to his feet James's looked around at the photographs that adorned the McQueen's mantle. Pictures that he had seen so many times before on the Hollyoaks set and yet pictures he had never really paid any attention to. Picking up one frame James ran his fingers over the cool glass. A happy family scene, everyone together in celebration of Jacqui's wedding, well Jacqui's sham wedding. He knew this families life as well as he knew his own and, with each passing moment, James began to wonder which of them was real.

"Here we are," John Paul said placing two mugs of hot tea on the table and joining James to look at the photographs.

"That's my sister," he started to explain.

"Jacqui… I know…"

"Right… that's kinda weird… you already knowing these things." John Paul shuffled his feet uncomfortably. It was as if this man had an insight into his life that no one else had ever been given, and he wasn't certain that he really liked the fact.

"Yeah… THAT'S what's weird about this whole thing…" James laughed.

Slumping back onto the sofa James sipped at another perfect cup of tea. He knew that he had to do something to get himself out of this situation, he just wasn't exactly sure what. The idea of walking in front of another car passed through his mind momentarily but he dismissed the idea immediately, the last thing he needed was to end up in hospital, or worse.

"No pictures of Craig?" James asked nodding towards the mantle.

"Why d'you keep asking about him?" John Paul winced, the name cutting through him sharply.

"Well… he was a big part of my… your life… and what? Now he's gone you've forgotten about him?"

"You know nothing about me and Craig…"

"But I do don't I? I know all about you…"

"Then you'll know how much I loved him… how much I still love him…" John Paul looked down on the surface of his drink and saw the sadness in his eyes shimmering on the liquid surface.

"Tell me something John Paul," James said putting his drink down and turning to the man beside him.

"What?"

"Why didn't you go with him? I mean I know… in the show… Guy was leaving and I wasn't… but I never really got the why… why get so close only to walk away?"

John Paul looked into the gentle softness of James's eyes and for the first time thought that maybe somebody understood how he really felt, somebody other than Craig.

"It wasn't right," John Paul said, echoing the words James's had used for the show so often.

"But why…?"

"He couldn't… be with me… and not be ashamed…"

"Did you really give him the chance? At the first hiccup you walked away… and you're still not telling me why."

"I…" John Paul thought for a while, "I wanted to go with him, more than anything… right up until the last second… I was so happy… we were together and everything was gonna be perfect but then…"

"But then?"

"I got scared… what if it didn't work… what if he decided I wasn't what he wanted… what if I was just easier than being alone because he couldn't have Sarah any more…"

"But he chose you," James said kindly.

"I forced him," John Paul insisted, "He had no other options…"

James opened his mouth to reply and then realised that he knew the truth about Craig that the character of John Paul was never told, that THIS John Paul had probably never been told.

Taking the mug from John Paul's grip James placed it on the table before taking the man's hands in his own.

"He chose you," James insisted, "He never told you because… well in my reality it would have changed the story… Sarah begged him to take her back…"

"No…"

"She begged him to take her to Dublin… to start again and forget all about you…"

"She can't have…"

"He chose you John Paul… and he told her that… he told her that he loved you and he wanted to be with you…"

"But he… he never said… if I'd know…" John Paul shook his head in confusion.

"What? If you'd know what?" James felt a strange excitement bubbling in his chest. Could he really do this? Could he at least give this John Paul the happy ending he deserved?

"I thought I was second best… I thought he was just settling for me… oh god what have I done? I miss him so much it kills me…"

"Call him…"

"What?"

"I know you haven't deleted his number… so call him…"

"But what if it's too late… what if he doesn't want to know any more?"

"And what if he does? What have you got to lose?"

John Paul looked at the strange man who seemed to have fallen into his life a few hours earlier and made him question everything he had ever been certain of.

"Do it," James insisted as John Paul pulled his mobile from his pocket and looked at it curiously. "Don't think about it… just do it…"

John Paul quickly accessed Craig's number before he had the chance to change his mind and waited for the sound of the call connecting, his heart pounding in his chest as he heard Craig's voice on the other end of the line.

James sat back with a smile as he listened to John Paul's side of the conversation.

"Hi… it's… it's me… I just wanted to… I don't know Craig I just… I'm sorry – I made a mistake… can we… Yeah? I love you too… Craig I don't wanna be without you any more if you still want… you do? I don't know… I'll find a way… I'm so sorry Craig… but I am… I never meant to… No… it wasn't your fault… I should have understood… Craig we're not gonna argue about this are we?"

John Paul's eyes sparkled with happiness as he made his plans to get to Dublin as soon as he could. James got to his feet with the intention of giving John Paul some privacy but as he rose the room seemed to spin around him and James wondered if he had some kind of delayed concussion.

The last thing he remembered was the dull thud as his head collided with the coffee table and then there was only blackness.

---

"Jim… how you feeling mate?"

James opened his eyes slowly, a sharp pain screaming through his temples as the bright light pierced into his brain. After a few seconds his vision cleared and he could focus on a familiar face looking down on him with concern.

"Guy… is that you?"

"Who else has these stunning good looks eh? You had us worried there for a bit."

James looked around and realised he was on the sofa in the green room.

"Where's John Paul?" James asked in confusion.

"Jeeze mate," Guy said touching his hand to James's forehead. "You must have taken more of a blow than we thought."

James struggled to sit up, as the room seemed to spin around him and fill with stars. "No… of course… I think… maybe… I must have been dreaming… what happened?"

"I dunno Jim, I was coming over to see if you fancied going for a pint and you just collapsed." Guy explained.

"There was a car… a car hit me…"

"Nah there was no car, I was there, I saw you… you just fell to the ground… right freaked me out I can tell you… and then we brought you in here… an ambulance is on it's way…"

"How long have I been out?"

"Not long… about five minutes."

"Is that all…" James shook his head and immediately regretted it as the motion increased the pain in his temples and brought forward a fresh wave of nausea.

"It was long enough," Guy told him with genuine concern in his deep brown eyes, "Don't do it again!"

---

NINE MONTHS LATER 

James snuggled into the deep softness of his sofa as he thumbed through the latest script that had just been delivered. James had felt strange playing the part of John Paul McQueen since his accident. It didn't seem right when a new love interest had been introduced for the character, seemingly brushing away the memories of Craig, not when James knew in his heart that it would only ever be Craig that could make John Paul truly happy.

He still wasn't certain if his experience in meeting the "real" John Paul McQueen had been a dream or something more, but ever since he had felt a bond with the character far deeper than the one he had had previously.

Over the months James had fought passionately in defence of John Paul's actions, arguing with the scriptwriters when they tried to make John Paul declare his love for the priest, refusing to say the words and even threatening to walk out if they tried to force the issue. In the end James's impassioned pleadings had won but he had still inwardly groaned as he kissed the actor that played Father Kieron and told him how much he cared for him.

"What have you got in store for poor John Paul next," James asked the script as he skimmed through the pages to get a brief idea of how the next story was to pan out.

James's eyes caught a name that he hadn't expected to see on the pages and he had to go back and re-read to make sure it wasn't a mistake. But there was no error. There in black and white was the name that all McDean fans held their breath to hear. Craig. John Paul was talking about Craig, for the first time since the airport parting his character was confessing that the love he had was still there, still as strong and still as painful.

James's brow furrowed as he continued to read, no one had mentioned this to him before and he couldn't understand why the sudden turn around.

With a gasp James read a scene of dialogue between John Paul and Father Kieron, the words seemed to leap out of the page to him as the script fell from his hands and tumbled to the floor.

---

James sat on the sofa in the McQueen's living room, his hands gripped tightly by Jake, the actor playing Father Kieron, as they brought the words from the script to life.

"I still love him…" James said sadly in John Paul's voice, "I'm sorry Kieron but I do."

"Then why didn't you go with him when he asked you to?" Jake, in the guise of the priest, asked kindly.

"It wasn't right," James's John Paul replied, "He couldn't… be with me… and not be ashamed…"

"Did you really give him the chance?"

"Maybe not," James's John Paul replied, "I wanted to go with him, more than anything… right up until the last second… I was so happy… we were together and everything was gonna be perfect but then…"

"But then?"

"I got scared… what if it didn't work… what if he decided I wasn't what he wanted… what if I was just easier than being alone because he couldn't have Sarah any more…"

"But didn't he choose you?" Jake's Father Kieron said kindly.

"I'm not sure any more…I thought I was second best… I thought he was just settling for me… but even after all this time… I miss him so much it kills me…"

"Call him…"

"But what if it's too late… what if he doesn't want to know any more?"

"And what if he does? What have you got to lose?"

John Paul looked into the dark eyes of the man portraying the priest who had been John Paul's lover and felt a strange excitement. The anticipation bubbled inside him much as it had months ago when he had encouraged that very same phone call.

Following the directors instructions James's pulled John Paul's mobile from his pocket and looked at it for a moment.

"Do it," The priest insisted. "Don't think about it… just do it…"

"Why are you doing this?" James asked on John Paul's behalf.

"I want you to be happy John Paul," the older man explained, "And I know that you won't ever be happy with me… it's Craig you want… it's always been Craig… so call him and find out if there's still the chance you can have what you really need."

James caught sight of Guy standing just off camera and smiled softly as he mimicked dialling Craig's number. Guy had come in to read out Craig's response to the phone call before they needed him in the following scenes.

"Hi… it's… it's me…" James stammered in the nervousness that he knew John Paul felt.

"What is it?" Guy asked in a cool tone from the side of the camera.

"I just wanted to… I don't know Craig I just…"

"What is it John Paul… what do you want after all this time?"

"I'm sorry – I made a mistake… I miss you."

"I miss you too," Guy let Craig's tone soften as he spoke. "I've never stopped missing you John Paul… I … I still love you…"

"I love you too… Craig I don't wanna be without you any more if you still want me…"

"Of course I still want you… but how John Paul… how?"

"I don't know… I'll find a way… I'm so sorry Craig…"

"You've nothing to be sorry for…"

"But I am… I never meant to…"

"I should have been stronger when you asked me to…"

"No… it wasn't your fault… I should have understood…"

"But all you wanted was a kiss, it wasn't much to ask… If I could go back and change things…"

"Craig we're not gonna argue about this are we?"

"And cut." The directors voice called out. "Good work guys, I think you nailed that one."

James let his hand holding the phone fall to his side. He felt physically and emotionally drained but a satisfaction filled his chest. The next scenes would have John Paul telling his family of his plans to leave and then take John Paul to the airport where he would finally board the plane to Dublin.

Guy had agreed to come back to film the reunion of one of the shows most loved couples and, as James had decided not to renew his expiring contract, their story would end with the two young men starting a new life together.

---

Sitting in his dressing room James looked at his reflection with a sad smile. He was going to miss being John Paul McQueen but he felt that the character had done all he could in the show and he was pleased that they had been able to give the young man the ending he deserved, and the one the fans had been dreaming of.

For a moment James thought that his image in the mirror seemed to shimmer but as soon as he notice it his reflection seemed to clear and he shook his head with a laugh. James froze as he realised that the figure in the mirror didn't move as he shook his head and, looking down at himself briefly, he saw that he was dressed differently to the person in the glass.

"John Paul?" James asked with incredulity, as he looked harder at the reflection.

The face of John Paul in the mirror smiled holding out a hand to his side, within seconds a second figure appeared in the mirror, one that looked remarkably like Guy Burnet but one that James knew without a doubt to be that of Craig Dean.

"Thank you," John Paul mouthed silently as his arm slid around Craig's middle and Craig pressed a quick kiss against his cheek.

"I always knew you could make it in the end," James said with a wide smile.

"Talking to yourself Jim?"

James turned sharply as Guy walked into the room.

"I… erm…"

"Fancy a pint mate," Guy continued.

"Yeah… yeah that'd be good… I just need to…" Turning back to the mirror James saw the image of John Paul and Craig fading away until it was replaced by his own reflection. "Yeah let's go for that pint," James said getting to his feet and slapping Guy warmly on the back. "We can go and celebrate the sunset ending!"


End file.
